FOMO, JOMO, Its ok to say no.

FOMO (fear of missing out) has been a popular phrase this past year. However, there is a new kid on the block now called JOMO (joy of missing out)

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For me, when I was in my 20s I used to be terrified of missing out on anything. Usually that manifested in going out partying and drinking at any opportunity that arose, whether I had the time, money or energy to do so. FOMO ruled my life and usually not in a good way. I was afraid to be on my own, afraid of my own company and always searching for something better. I couldn’t say no to an invite because, deep down I would fear that I would miss something that might fill the void I had in my life.

For a lot of my 20s, I suffered with depression. I spent a lot of my time numbed by antidepressants and desperately seeking something (or indeed someone) to make me feel better. An invitation to a night out brought about a sense of hope to me at that time, maybe I could party enough that my sadness would go away or maybe I would meet someone who could make me feel happy again. FOMO for me (and for a lot of people reading this) was much more than just being afraid of missing out on a good night it was a deep sense of fear that I could be missing out on something that could alter my life. Of course that never happened and I came to the realisation that I was the only person who could do that.

On a lighter note, clearly FOMO does not affect everyone in this way and it can be a really fun right of passage when you are younger, turning up to everything can make for some really fun memories and bring about awesome bonding between you and your friends (even sometimes with strangers).

FOMO can be harnessed in a positive way to push yourself to do things outside your comfort zone and go on adventures that create memories forever however it should not rule your life.

Now that I am in my 30s (gah I am getting old) I now revel in JOMO. I am completely content with missing out on certain things. I think this comes naturally with getting older (we need more sleep than our younger counterparts) but also I think it comes from being at ease with yourself. No longer do I look for external influences to make me happy because I know that this can only come from within. A great night out is now just fun to me and it doesn’t really matter if I miss out on it.

I have gotten to a place in my life that neither FOMO nor JOMO rule my decision making process. If I want to say yes to something I do and I say no if I don’t. Sounds so simple but I know from first hand experience how hard it can be to say no to people, especially if you are a people pleaser, but saying no from time to time is good for you. It creates healthy boundaries, strengthens your self confidence muscles and can give you back some much needed time to yourself.

If you (like me) fear that by saying no to people will disappoint them or hurt their feelings you need to remember that you are not responsible for other peoples reactions. You will feel uncomfortable the first few times you do it but eventually that uncomfortableness will move aside and you will feel much more authentic to yourself and your friends. Saying yes to people, when you don’t actually want to will result in resentment and becoming comfortable with the word no will serve you much better in the long run than living with resentment.

Whether you live through FOMO or JOMO, make the best decisions for you and not for anyone else or any other reason.

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